2 year old sleep challenges: Bedtime stalling

Why is it that the time of the day happens at the end of the day when we have the least amount of patience reserves?  This is only one of the reasons why bedtime can be challenging for parents of toddlers.  It is often very difficult to even get your toddler to start the bedtime routine.  If you are getting protest moving into the routine, I recommend using timers to help your toddler have a more concrete understanding of when it is time for bed, aka: the fun has to end.  Set a timer on your phone (not more then 5 minutes), letting your toddler know that in 5 minutes, it will be time for bed.  Your toddler can help you start the timer and when it goes off, your toddler can stop the timer.  This give your child some power in the process.  Whenever there is something you can give your toddler control over, you will be in better shape.  Once the timer goes off, this is not a time for negotiating 1 more minute.  You will want to follow through.  If there is protest, as you are moving towards your bedtime routine, be sure to echo your toddlers feelings, helping him or her know that you understand their frustration at having to end their play and then talk through what they will play with when it is morning time. 

Set realistic toddler expectations

Some of our frustration with toddler bedtime stalling has to do with our expectations.  For a baby, you are doing your routine, essentially to them, moving them through the process.  Toddlers now have much more autonomy and will want to exert this control in whatever way possible.  You have to expect that this is going to elongate the process, to some degree.  I always tell parents of babies to keep their bedtime routine concise (not more then about 20 minutes) because as their child moves into toddlerhood, that routine is going to grow.  You always want to leave some space for it to grow but not end up with a long routine.  Bedtime routine for toddlers can get pretty out of control. Next thing you know, you will be tucking in all their stuffed animals, saying good night to all the cars on the street and making sure all the dolls have their hats on. Not to mention that 2 year olds often love books and will ask for more and more books and repeat readings of books.

Provide choices

Offer choices along the way of things your toddler can be in control of like what pair of pjs they want to wear, which toothbrush to use, what books to read (from a group of a few).  Again, putting your toddler in control of these things because the actuality of going to bed is not a choice.  You will want to set very clear limits and follow through. If you would like to only read 2 books at bedtime then set that expectation at the start of book reading, saying “we will read 2 books and then sing our good night songs and have all of our hugs and kisses.” Once you set that expectation, you will want to hold true to it.

Set your limits and follow through

Without a doubt, you toddler will attempt to squeeze in more books. It’s not that reading books is bad. Quite the opposite, books are great! It is about following through on your limit that is important. If your toddler asks for more books after you have set the limit and you agree to read another, know that the next night, the expectation will be the same. Prepare for a tantrum if you are now inconsistent by saying yes one night and no the next. When you are starting the last book, let your child know “this is going to be our last book.” And when you are on the last page, again, let your child know, “this is the last page.” When you follow through with these limits, you will stop getting the push back and pleas for more and more books at bedtime.