How to prep for a baby

These days, with all of the videos and images you can find on social media, if you are an expectant parent, you may be thinking about what you need to do to prepare for the birth of a baby.  Of course, you’ve already started to see the millions products that are now being marketed at you through targeted adds.  You may be making lists of how many onesies and swaddles you need and are thinking about what type of stroller or bassinet you should get.  The reality is that babies need very little, especially in the beginning.  I would say of the products you really have to have, the car seat is the only must since they won’t let you leave the hospital without one.  Other then that, I am here to tell you that the things you need for a baby are less about what the baby needs and more about what you as parents need. 

If you are in your late 20s, 30s and 40s and are having a baby, chances are good that you have figured out how to take care of yourself.  If you are having a baby with a partner, you might assume that it can’t be that hard to take care of one tiny baby between two functional adults.  And while yes, you are certainly capable and CAN do this, taking care of a newborn and learning all of the things that there are to learn in this massive transition is HARD.  It is quite difficult to fathom ahead of time how hard it really can be.  Regularly, moms in The Chicago New Moms Group will say “my friends never really told me what this would be like,” “I had no idea how hard this was going to feel back when I was pregnant,” “when my friends had babies, I didn’t really realize what they were experiencing.”  To that I respond that it is impossible to truly understand the experience of having a baby, caring for a newborn and becoming a parent until you are experiencing it yourself.  Essentially, you don’t know what you don’t know. 

So how to you prepare for this yet unexperienced life transition?  My advice is to think about what you will need to help you take care of yourself after the baby comes.  Your job is to learn how to care for your baby in those early months, but caring for yourself can be very difficult when parenting a newborn is so all consuming.  Think about your activities of daily living.  You need food and water and a shower and, ideally, some clean clothes to wear.  Make some meals that you can put in your freezer ahead of time to pull out and eat in those early weeks when finding time to feed yourself can be difficult.  Think about what sorts of food you might be able to eat one handed while also holding/soothing a baby.  Smoothies can be a quick and easy food to get in nutrition and can be carried with you as you move from task to task caring for your baby.  Think about setting up a meal train ahead of time that friends can use to sign up to bring you meals.  If you have a friend who is having a baby ahead of you, do this for your friend and know that this is the sort of thing that people often want to pay back so she is likely to do the same for you.  Quick tip:  when bringing a meal for friends who have just had a baby, drop of the meal and leave.  Don’t come late and don’t linger.  These are exhausted people who don’t have the energy at the end of the day to entertain.  Dropping off groceries is another welcomed gift.

Really think about who you want to come visit you during this time.  Grandparents are often chomping at the bit to come visit after a baby is born.  Think about what you will need to take care of yourself though.  Are these going to be helpful visitors?  Can you ask them to make meals for you or are you going to be expected to entertain?  There is nothing more infuriating as a new mom then being “what’s for dinner?”  This is a decision you are not equipped to make in this moment.  Not only will you not have the capacity to make a meal, but even making the decision of what to eat can feel like a bridge too far.  Can you ask them to do the laundry, the dishes, wash pump parts/bottles, take out the garbage?  If the answer is no, definitely think hard about the duration of visit, and if they should stay someplace else so you aren’t now caring for other grown ups around the clock as well.  If you have the means, hiring a postpartum doula for the first few weeks to months can be a great way to give yourself some respite.  They can come during the day to help with baby care, meal prep, light house work and essential newborn guidance and education.  They can also come at night and help you get in some longer stretches of sleep to help you be more functional during the day.  This Sleep Qs podcast interview that we did with postpartum doula Jalussee Miller talks about all the benefits that can come from hiring a postpartum doula.

The bottom line is becoming a new parent is not meant to be done on your own.  We are not meant to raise families in our individual silos as we often do these days.  We are meant to have a community of support around us, ready to care for the new parents without needing to be asked.  Sadly, this is often not the reality anymore as families are often spread out across long distances, sometimes divided by countries. This leads us to believe that we should be doing this job on our own.  You do not need to do this alone.  Ask for help.  Think about what that help could look like and be specific in your ask.  You’ve got this.